Chakhna: The untold Indian bar story.
I still remember my first beer.
Kingfisher Lager. 2006. New Year’s eve. Shishas. Pune. India.
I didn’t quite like the taste. Or the smell.
My buddies and I started drinking around the same time. Well almost.
Ashwin, Thakaar and Bhatia were ahead in the drinking game. If my memory serves me right, they started the occassional drinking six months ahead of us. Gautam, Hegde and I didn’t see what the fuss was about. Why would one want to get high? What happens when you’re kicked*?
*Kicked — Is a colloquial term in India for saying that you’re buzzed. Also when Indians say they are high they usually mean buzzed.
Iced Pepsi tasted quite good on its own. Why would anyone want to spike it with Rum and mess up its flavor, not to mention add a foul smell? I don’t quite remember how boisterous the other two were, but Bhatia wouldn’t let us just be. I can only imagine that our orders of Pepsi and cold Maaza* struck his ears like a Bieber song. For the rest of the night I’d only hear how much of a “pussy” I was and how I “sucked”.
*Maaza — Maaza is an Indian Mango-based soft drink, primarily meant for kids. Gautam (all 30 years of him) has had trouble letting go of this part of his childhood and asks for this drink every time we hit a bar to much ridicule from all of us. He’d occasionally worsen things for himself by asking the waiter if they served Chocolate Shake.
But that night was special. It was New Year’s eve. Nursing a burn of an unrequited crush and bearing the huge cross of being a stag* in a world full of couples, I needed an adventure. Tonight, I wasn’t going to be a pussy. I would not “suck”! Don’t remember what reason Gautam and Hegde had but I can imagine it must have been something similar.
*Stag — A common term in India for a guy who wants to attend a party sans any female company. Equivalent to the term ‘single’. You’ll hear this term commonly if you’re a group of guys trying to get into a “cool” club in India on a weekend night. Usually used in sentences like “No stags allowed.”, “Extra cover charge for stags.”
Half way into my first pint, I just didn’t get it. It was just like any other night. Good food. Idiotic jokes. Random conversations. Bhatia was off my back, which was a plus.
I kept at it and having guzzled 3/4th of it, something started to happen. Something that hadn’t happened before. My head was out of my control. Not trying to be dramatic here. It literally tilted to the left and I couldn’t quite get it to be straight. I felt light headed. I was kicked. The beer strangely tasted so much better than any soft drink I had ever had.
It’s been almost 10 years since and my love affair with beer has blossomed into a marriage of sorts. I have tried many a Lager, Stout, IPA, Porter, Ale from many different countries. I look out for local breweries wherever I go. My fridge is almost always stocked because you never want to be without beer when the mood strikes. Before I go on, I feel like I need to address the fact that I am not an alcoholic. I do however enjoy having drinks with my wife and friends over chit chat, a movie or a board game. I think everyone deserves some liquid relaxation, pun not intended, after a hard work week and beer just happens to be my poison.
I believe that where, how and with whom you start drinking really defines your attitude with liquor or dare I say your drinking culture. To me, an ideal drinking session involves chit chat and conversations, good food, maybe some light music and a general suspension of worries. I moved to USA in 2011 and I was able to find similar minds and I have enjoyed many a drink session and made some good and bad memories in the process. In those terms, while I found almost everything I needed to make myself at home here, there’s one part of drinking culture that I quite miss from back home.
Chakhna.
To the uninitiated, Chakhna refers to dry snacks commonly served in most (if not all) bars in India with alcohol. I am not quite sure how the term came about since chakhna in Hindi literally translates to ‘tasting’ but in any bar in India if you ask a waiter for chakhna he will instinctively get you 1–3 small bowls of different snacks (for free, mind you!). Maybe it’s meant to mean tasty snacks. I don’t know.
At this point you’re probably comparing this to Spanish tapas. Yes. That’s a perfect comparison. In Spanish restaurants, if one orders a drink, one is served with 2–3 kinds of accompaniments to go with the drinks for free. For each round of drinks that you order you get new bowls of snacks, usually of a different kind. Mexican restaurants do the same with chips and salsa.
And there in lies my grouse.
Why aren’t Indian restaurants in the USA (probably applies in other places too) doing the same? Chakhna is such a big part of our drinking culture yet never have I been served papads or sev to go with my beer in USA.
At this point you’re probably wondering what the fuss is about. So Indian restaurants aren’t serving you free dry snacks? Just order a Tandoori Chicken you cheapskate! Well to that I want to tell you exactly what you’re missing. You see, chakhna is just not limited to papad and sev. It’s a whole cuisine on its own. Its a course in the meal. It’s a pre-appetizer.
It comes at point when you sit at the table. You order your beer. You don’t know what appetizer you want to have yet. Plus you want to enjoy a light conversation. You’re mildly hungry but you’re at least half an hour away from your appetizer. What do you eat?
Well, you eat chakhna.
In India, every bar has its own take on chakhna but here are some of the usual suspects:
Peanuts, Masala Peanuts, Boiled Peanuts, Boiled Masala Peanuts with saute onions (Yes, we do more than one kind of peanuts), Papad, Masala Papad (You have got to try this if you haven’t), Bhujia sev, Masala sev, Chakli, Mota chips, Farsaan, Aloo Bhujia, Potato chips, Moong Dal, Dal Mot, Chevda, Boiled Masala Chana, Cheeselings, Banana chips, Mathri, Bhakar wadi, Chana choor garam
I am something short of outraged that while a lot is known about our culture outside India, this is something that is virtually unknown. I get that this is largely frivolous stuff and what’s the hue and cry about some dry snacks when one has Diwali, Kamasutra, Taj Mahal, Bollywood, Indian attire, food, elephants, royalty and poverty to talk about. When we are talking about preservation of our culture I don’t expect people to discuss the general lack of chakhna-awareness in today’s Indian generation. Or the fact that while the world is happy to bring up all our problems out in the open and scrutinize them, nobody seems to laud our successes vis-a-vis awesome chakhna. I am not expecting that. But I am not fighting the big fight today. Today I am fighting for the basics. Today I am fighting for my beloved chakhna!
(Patriotic music)
I want to tell the world outside that while a trip to the Taj Mahal, a ride on an elephant, Jaipur, wearing a saree, dancing at an Indian wedding, henna on your hands, chasing that exotic brown skin should definitely be on your itinerary, an Indian experience is incomplete without experiencing the Indian shady bar experience. Yes, I regret to inform that while the chakhna culture is prevalent all over, its really the shady bars that have made it their own. The “popular” bars are happy to paint in broad strokes (serve boring peanuts) or disassociate themselves from the chakhna culture altogether.
Let me explain what Indian shady bars are like.
Shady bars are peppered all over India next to small grocery shops, pharmacies, sometimes garages. You’ll find more of these than any other kind of bars. They are the equivalent of dive bars in the USA, but with their own unique flavor. First and foremost, they look and feel really shady. You’ll know it when you see it. They have a small sign over the entrance usually illuminated by blue and red lights. They often contain the words “Permit Room” or “Garden” in their names. They are often accompanied by signs that aim to market the place further. These signs, if you’re lucky will contain hilarious typos like “Child bear served here”(Chilled beer served here). The lighting inside will be dim. The only white light in the entire premises is probably inside the kitchen. You will be challenged to find a single woman in the entire premises. This is a unofficially a man zone. The occupants of the bar will look thuggish. They are usually blue-collared workers, Government officials, Police officers or students trying to get a cheap drink. As long as you maintain a low profile you have nothing to be worried about. The key is to blend in. They offer a “nip system”. Nip system means that they also serve hard liquor in 180 ml quantities at a concessional rate. It’s great for sharing. You are sure to find at least one middle aged guy who is drunk out of his mind and babbling to his friend and/or playing loud music on his phone. The music playing in the restaurant is usually catchy and annoying Bollywood songs. Hygiene, I am not going to lie, is somewhat of a concern in these bars. I’d advise against drinking water here. Stick to beer/bottled water. The food is almost always awesome here and a bang for your buck. At about 11pm at night, the restaurant main entrance will be shut. Cops will most likely show up at the door. The Manager or Captain as he’s known in these places will have a word with the officer and liquor will continue to flow well beyond the time that the law allows it. As will the chakhna!
If you’re willing to let go of the general fanciness of bars and are up for an adventure, you’re in for a treat. And isn’t that what’s life’s all about? Going through the shady to discover the beautiful? Rummaging through the clutter to discover the mythical?
I’ll also be happy to coach you on the routine that you need to follow. It works something like this.
You walk into the bar. You sit down. The waiter gets you a menu and water. Standard stuff. He asks you what you want to drink. You ask for beer or whiskey or if you’re a sociopath, you order Vodka. He asks you if you would like some starters (appetizers) with that. You say you’re still deciding. And here is the crucial moment. As he’s done taking all your orders and is ready to leave, you say the words, “Boss thoda chakhna laana” (Please get some dry snacks). And keep saying this with every round of drinks that you order.
And there it is.
Be sure that your alcohol will be accompanied by two-three varieties of dry snacks. If the bar just gets you one kind of chakhna, be sure to leave after your drinks are over. No bar that serves less than two kinds of chakhna is worth your money. If the bar serves you peanuts and cheeselings, don’t expect fireworks from the food. By fireworks I mean the general quality of the food, not the spices. Its Indian food. So there definitely will be fireworks as far as spices are concerned. Only a bar that truly cares for its patrons will serve papad, peanuts and chakli/sev at the bare minimum and you can be guaranteed that the subsequent food that you order will not disappoint.
My personal favorite chakhna is ‘Chakhli’. If the bar that you are at serves you chakhli, add another move to your routine. Ask the waiter for Schezwan sauce. Schezwan sauce is what is known as hot sauce in rest of the world that serves Chinese food. Chakhli and Schezwan sauce complete each other like Laurel and Hardy. One is crunchy and bland. The other is fiery and hot tempered. A match made in beer heaven.
If a trip to India is not in your scheme of things but you have made some Indian friends, be sure to demand chakhna when you visit their homes. If they say they don’t have any, they are probably shy about it and you need to prod them further. We all have chakhna.
If you don’t meet the aforementioned criteria, just visit your nearest Indian store. Every Indian store has an entire rack dedicated to this stuff. Trust me on that. It’s the first rack I hit when I visit.
The Dave & Busters, Buffalo Wild Wings, TGIF’s of the world have their own charm and I thoroughly enjoy these places. But I often find myself wondering whether the shady Indian bars have something to contribute to these places. Not the dim lights. Not the thuggish blokes. Definitely not the child bears. But perhaps a new routine…
“Boss thoda chakhna laana.”
